Oh god send help my exams start tomorrow.
Tomorrow i find out which universities are offering me a place. Fuuuuck.
Today was my last full day at school with some of my favourite people ever.
I know i’ll see them again, a lot hopefully, but still, it’s horrible to think that it’s over.
I am officially crying and listening to Laura Marling.
UGH CAN EXAMS JUST BE OVER ALREADY IT IS VERY POSSIBLE THAT I AM ACTUALLY DYING OF LACK OF SLEEP AND STRESS.
a) coming over to do a bit of revision for me
b) taking my spanish oral exam for me
c) coming to yell at me to get off tumblr and do some work
Not many things more adorable than Ben Whishaw winning a BAFTA.
- Penhaligon’s bluebell perfume.
- Twinings rose garden tea (the combination of the two make me hardly want to leave my room, it smells so glorious.)
- Agatha Christie audiobooks.
- Dressing all in white.
- Very sentimental songs about love, and as a consequence She and Him vol. 3.
- Also the The Great Gatsby soundtrack, even the songs i wouldn’t necessarily listen to normally.
- Not wanting to cry over revision despite there being too much of it and not having come anywhere near finishing it.
- The promise of things to come.
Having one of those days when i am more or less certain i’m going to end up alone with loads of cats. Not a bad future, as it goes, but i still want a bloody boyfriend.
Just booked my festival tickets and bought a pair of high waist shorts.
This summer is going to be fabulous.
Just finished filling out papers for bursaries and student residences. I had to force myself not to ask for a (very expensive) apartment in an old manor house in Paris, but i was sorely tempted.
I’m so excited for next year at the moment!
I hate you because you make me feel ridiculous and then i am obliged to go to bed with Mad Men and (maybe) cry.
Seriously though, the most attractive thing a boy has ever said to me is ‘I’m a feminist’. AND he said it in french.
SUCH a longing to sign letters to universities with ‘xoxox’.
-(Monday was nothing special, it rained and i had P.E, ‘nuff said)
-Tuesday: My nineteenth birthday! It was possibly the best birthday i’ve had in years, i got heaps of lovely gifts, including my lovely record player, a Leah Goren cat tote bag (!) and season 1 of Mad Men to fill the The Hour spaced shape in my aching heart. And then in the evening MUMFORD AND SONS. I want to cry every time i think about it, can’t wait for their next europe tour so i can see them live again.
-Wednesday: I went to The Boy’s house to work on our project, on account of the fact that he rode into a car while on his bike and broke his foot last saturday (true story). We didn’t work much, in the end, but we laughed a lot and talked a lot and he has heaps of cats and i had a good long chat with his lovely mum (who’s also an expat - she’s Dutch).
-Thursday: Lovely spring-like weather, and in the afternoon i went to the library with The Boy, we still did not work but i discovered a lovely french feminist magazine called Causette, thanks to the fab librarian who knew him.
-Today: I took the Concours General in english (a sort of competiton for the best students in france, with prizes and things for the top three). It was pretty awful, so hard, and five hours long, but i had a picnic beforehand and it was in the really pretty school in my town and it got me off double sociology and spanish. And now i’m singing along to Cecilia and trying to pretend i’m not almost falling asleep, despite it being only half pas seven.
- I’m seeing Mumford and Sons in a little under 72 hours!!
- It’s also my birthday on tuesday! And there are interesting packages under my parents’ bed (i am too nosey for my own good.)
- There’s a rock and roll/50s style concert next saturday, and it’s going to be fab and i can’t wait.
- I think i’m getting over my ginormous crush on The Boy, in any case i still adore his girlfriend, she is the sweetest ever and i guess if i was in love with him i’d be slipping poison into her coffee and things but i am resolutely not.(And i can safely say i have no murderous intentions whatsoever.)
- The Boy and I are, in a weird plot twist, actually really good friends now, probably helped by my becoming Sensible and getting over my general silliness and actually being able to speak and things around him. In any case i’m a bit shocked that there actually exists a boy who is so similar to me, we’re doing school projects together and everything (albeit with frequent explosive arguments), and i can send him random articles and youtube videos without worrying he’ll think me weird. AND he actually gets my odd sense of humor. And i can talk to him on the phone without going weirdly formal like i do with most people. In any case i’m glad to know nice boys actually do exist, even if they have girlfriends. (ahem.)
- I’ve realised how much less shy i’ve become, it’s not too debilitating anymore, now i realise that people actually like me for who i am. And as a consequence the me i let other people see is the me i actually feel like. I’m still ridiculously socially awkward, but i’m trying not to beat myself up about it like before. Well, not too much.
- I’ve almost finished university applications! And also i’m not stressed at all about it anymore, i have plans in case i do not get into my desired places and i’m just generally feeling positive about the future and trying not to worry too much about it. (Exams are another thing entirely, but i’m not letting myself start to panic properly until april.)
- I’m going to see Ben Whishaw at the theatre with an absolute darling in just over a month! I honestly can not wait, i’ve had sleepless nights in my excitement over it!
- I may be going to Barcelona after exams with my best friends!
- Downtown by Petula Clark just came onto shuffle (bit of a diversion here but never mind.) I love that song mostly because it reminds me of dinner parties my parents had when i was little and they used to play jazz and i’d put my ear to the door of the dining room and listen to them talking and laughing and it makes me feel sort of warm and safe. (I also heard a lot of things i shouldn’t have this way, ahem.)
- Ugh just i feel so lucky and happy and positive, i don’t think i’ve felt this great since i was in primary school, almost! And when i compare how i feel now to what i felt like last year i can hardly believe it, i honestly could hardly bear to get out of bed some days, and now i LIKE getting up in the mornings (well, after a couple of cups of coffee i do…). I just hope and wish and pray that this lasts.